I came home somewhat late today and I heard the TV on. "Hello?" I asked after closing the front door. The TV shut down but nobody answered. I took a golf club from the bag I keep at the entrance and walked towards the living room fearing a burglar might have got into the house.
I rose the club ready to hit whoever was on the sofa but when I got close enough only a ball of fur showed up. Mr. Peepers.
I breathed out when seeing my cat had slept over the remote; then I placed back my improvised anti-burglar weapon with the rest of the golf clubs.
I took the remote from under MP, turned the TV on, and went to the kitchen to grab a beer.
“... the chimpanzees have escaped and are considered extremely dangerous” the TV said “If you happen to spot one, don’t try to approach it. Find the nearest police officer and let them know instead”.
I returned to the sofa and saw Mr. Peepers wasn't there anymore. The TV went on.
“Thanks Susan. After the break: ‘Dogs: has man’s best friend turned into his worst enemy?’”
The doorbell rang.
“Joe!” Someone yelled before I could reach the door “Let me in!”
I opened the door. “Karen, what the… ” Karen let herself in and closed the door behind her.
“Joe! Perry! Perry went crazy!”
“Perry?” I asked “Perry your parrot? Hey, calm down!” I grabbed her by the arms. “Calm. Down.”
“He bit me! When I opened his cage to feed him.” Karen was starting to sob “I closed the door of his cage immediately and then he spoke. He cried: ‘Let me out! Let me out, you bitch!’”
“... What?”
“Then he took a toothpick and tried to open his cage from the inside. I ran.”
“Karen, take a seat. You want something to drink? You want a beer?”
“Yes! Water, please.”
“OK. Please have a seat.” I went back to the kitchen and suddenly the lights went out.
Karen screamed.
“Karen!” I ran but she was already out of the house.
“Joe” a sharp voice said in the dark “Joooe”.
“What the fuck!” I ran for a golf club again and pushed my back against a wall. “Who the fuck are you?” I yelled out to the emptiness.
A pair of eyes showed up at the stairs. Cat eyes.
“Mister… Peep… ?” I ran. I realized after a few blocks that I still had a beer on one hand and the golf club on the other. I stopped “What the… ” I said yet once more.
A pack of dogs was devouring what seemed to be a woman. One looked up and growled at me; suddenly, all of them were.
I dropped my beer and grabbed the club with both hands. I swung the weapon at them but they kept walking towards me. I stepped back and my foot landed over my beer making me fall. I retreated and tried to get back on my feet. Then, a meow.
Mister Peepers jumped over me and meowed at the dogs who suddenly stopped. The dogs looked at each other with what seemed to be quizzical faces, then did something similar to a nod and walked away.
My cat turned back and patted my foot. “Joooe” he said “Foood!” Mister Peepers hadn't saved his master. He saved his butler, his pet.
